Marriage reality style

Tonight I planned to write my opinions about Donald Trump and the decline of the average United States citizen’s intelligence level who thinks this man won’t get us all killed. But that can wait for another time!

Lately  TV has been very cruel to me. My favorite shows are all coming to an end. Pretty Little Liars is in its last season, I’m pretty sure by the latest promos Law and Order: SVU is headed in the same direction. And Mike and Molly….don’t even get me started on the fall of Mike and Molly! So sometimes watching reality TV for me is a great way to enjoy a show without getting too involved or attached. You always know at the end of the season it will be over. No surprises! I don’t watch The Bachelor, Big Brother, or even Survivor. I gave up The Biggest Loser when Jillian Michaels left and the idiots from Teen Mom and 16 and pregnant get on my nerves faster than a cat who is trying to sit on my keyboard while I type! Which incidentally is what my cat was just doing, and it was very annoying! But every so often a reality show comes along that I enjoy. And even more rarely does one come along that Todd and I enjoy watching together. But one recently just happened to come along that met all our requirements! It was called Married at First Sight. It was a social experiment where therapists matched up couples that only meet each other at the alter and then become legally married. They have 6 weeks to decide to stay married or get a divorce. They chose 3 couples and matched them according to not only the things they have in common but they’re differences and they way they complimented each other. One couple, David and Ashley, was doomed from the beginning. She couldn’t get over her unattraction to him or a misunderstanding they had they she felt destroyed her trust in him. He tried just so hard, sometimes a little too hard. Then there was Vanessea and Tres. They were perfect for each other! They were destined from the start. But then there was the 3rd couple, Sam and Neil. They were my favorite from the beginning. I’m sure a lot of my reasoning for this is because they reminded me of Todd and I! Watching them brought back so many memories of the newlywed times for us. I so enjoyed watching their relationship evolve into what I saw as loving and sincere. Not everything was perfect, but we got to watch them both grow so much. Then when the final show aired, Sam confessed her love for Neil, saying she wanted to stay married and keep going. But Neil, leading her on with words like “committed” and “appreciative”, suddenly broke her heart along with every viewer rooting them on by asking for a divorce. We have closed captioning on our TV (with 3 boys, even after they go to bed they’re loud!) so I got to see him asking for divorce 2 seconds before he said it. And in that 2 seconds I had already started to cry! My heart broke right there! I couldn’t believe he had done that. Now I haven’t watched the tell all special yet, but he claimed it was because he just couldn’t get past their rocky first two  weeks. Are you kidding me?! Then the next day they meet back up at their house to pack up. Her attitude was amazing. She was upbeat and seemed ok. But having gone through a VERY similar experience I call her bluff! When Todd and I were dating we went on what was a lovely date and then on the way back he broke up with me. He said he had had a dream that we had gotten married and I wasn’t happy. I was completely blind sighted! I cried all night. But the next day we had to both attend and event we had previously committed to. All day I was up beat and positive with him. I pretended that I was just fine. But I was torn to pieces and cried for hours after saying goodbye to him that night. Then 2 days later we got back together and got married 8 months later, but that’s beside the point! Anyway, with what he said about why he chose to not stay married, there are is something I want to share with all the “Neils” out there!

I would never choose to be a newlywed again. On those days where Todd bugs me the most, I have to remind myself of that!  Yeah its a magical time to learn all the wonderful things about your partner. But its also a time to find out all those little quirks and annoyances that they have. He was driving me CRAZY by the time we boarded the plane to go home from our honeymoon. That first year was full of so many ups and downs I couldn’t keep them straight from day to day. We had our first fight over a celebrity crush I had 2 days after we got home from our honeymoon. And guess what? Almost 15 years later, we have a son who is named after that celebrity! Its also a time for your to learn about your own quirks and imperfections. I figured I was just a moody teenager whose family bugged me. After all I was just 19 when I got married. Turned out, I was just moody period. And it took a lot of hurt feelings and misunderstandings for me to figure that out. What I’m saying is it takes more than 6 weeks to establish whether or not you should be married or divorced.  I know the show can’t follow the couples for years. But if you have to get a legal follow you around forever divorce anyway, why not give it a while longer? And never ever base your whole relationship on the first few weeks of marriage. Todd and I knew each other a long time before we got married. We did not meet the day we got married. But even so our marriage would have had NO chance if we based it on the first few weeks. And since then we have fought through depression, infertility, financial ruins, medical crisis, etc. But through all the pain and frustration we did it together. And didn’t just give up after 6 weeks, breaking the heart publicly of a girl who was really trying. My point? Marriage is hard work! It’s exhausting at times. But like anything you work for, it’s worth it. Ok, marriage rant over!

Wait…..one more thing! While we’re on the subject of breaking hearts in a public way, I am beyond unimpressed with Neil right now. He made himself look like a real ass. And he reminded me of my father. Ha! My father would have never done that! In my eyes, tonight Neil is more hated then Trump! Well, maybe not that bad. But I’m definitely as annoyed at him as I was with the cat who wouldn’t get off the keyboard!

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