I think every blog has one. The story that started it all. Even if we’ve wanted to write a blog for a long time there usually is that one story, that one incident, that can turn a thought into reality. For me, this story is why I came up with the name My Sitcom Family. Stuff like this belongs on a sitcom. Or even better, a American Pie spin off movie! Its something I could never make up on my own. And its just too good not to share! Why haven’t I already you ask?! Because I was not the only one involved in this incident. In fact, I was more the supporting actress. The star of this incident was my poor unsuspecting husband! But finally after me begging he has agreed for the sake of the blog to let me share it! So here we go people! Just remember, all of the events I’m about to describe are real and did happen!
Last fall our washing machine decided to pull the plug on itself and leave this world. It wasn’t a shocking death by any means. We had been shoving pencils in it to make it remember to go into the spin cycle for years. No pencil in our house was ever safe. I, on more than one occasion, had to comfort a child who’s new prize pencil from school had been swiped up by Todd to meet its final doom as an extra washing machine piece. I even shed a few tears myself when Todd used the Rosie O’Donnell Show pencil I had had since high school in it! So we had been expecting this for a while. Unfortunately that is all we expected and not all that happened. After putting our big kids to bed while I rocked our baby to sleep, Todd decided to try and give our washing machine one more breath of life. Now bless Todd’s heart, he is so good at so many things. He is crazy smart, well loved and respected, and a great dad! But the poor guy couldn’t fix something if his life depended on it! So soon after he voyaged down to the laundry room he started screaming for help. I ran down as found him standing sopping wet while a literal guyser came gushing out of the machine, drenching everything within 10 feet of it! He had tried to shut off the water AFTER the waterworks started but the handle broke in his efforts. I knew we had to shut off the main water valve to the house, but neither of us knew how. He told me to go find help and I headed for the door. Now picture me soaking wet, barefoot, running through the streets of our neighborhood at 10:30 at night looking for a house with a light on. Finally I banged on our neighbors a few houses down, scaring the pee out of the poor wife, and begged for help. Luckily I knocked on the right door. The husband knew exactly what to do and had our water off in 30 seconds. We love him still! Then Todd and I sopped up water until around midnight until we were longer swimming at least! I started to go to bed when Todd started complaining that he really needed to go to the bathroom. And it was not going to be just a pee trip if you know what I mean. But there was no way I was going to turn the water back on until we could get the handle fixed on the washer faucet. I suggested he just poured water in the toilet to flush it, but he didn’t want to risk it. So then I suggested he walked over to hospital ER, which is only a block from our house, and used the bathroom there. But he didn’t really want to do that. So finally I told him to go get a shovel, go to the very edge of our property (we have a big yard) and do what he needed to do. He went outside and sheepishly returned 20 minutes later, making me promise we would never talk about it again! I promised and forgot about it. Unfortunately, this isn’t the end of the story! The next day we got everything fixed and the water turned back on. I had volunteered to help carve pumpkins for our local Halloween pumpkin walk so that afternoon I got the boys all set up to help me carve a dozen pumpkins. We soon attracted a large group of neighborhood girls to help out. There were about 10 of us all sitting around carving when Todd got home from work. I had thrown the dog in the backyard like I do most afternoons and when Todd opened the garage door our dog, a 10 pound mini poodle named Piper, bounced out from behind the door absolutely CAKED in something. It took us about 2 seconds before we looked at each other absolutely horrified, knowing exactly what it was. Yes folks, that damn dog had dug up Todd’s “deposit” and had rolled in it! And now Piper was weaving in and out of the girls, making everyone scream and gag in the process! Luckily, the girls thought she had rolled in her own poop, sparing Todd some embarrassment for the time being. We started chasing after her, arguing who was going to clean her as we ran. Finally poor Todd snatched her and started the destinking process. He scrubbed that dog over and over again. But every time she would start to dry we would realize the smell was still there. So I went to PetSmart and asked a clerk where the best deodorizing shampoo was. She remarked that it depended on what the smell was. I simply said “She rolled in poop.” And the clerk said “Oh dog poop is an easy one!” A feeling of pure dread entered my mind as I knew I was going to have to tell her the truth or risk living with a stinky dog forever. I said “Um….its actually human poop!” The look she gave me was classic! She showed me their selection of “special shampoos” and quickly rushed away from me. To this day I still don’t blame her! I got home and to my utter dismay not only had Todd let Piper in the house again, but he had not noticed that she had crawled up on a pile of clean folded laundry, where she was happily snoozing. Now I had stayed what I feel to be pretty calm about the whole situation up to that point. And for those of you who know me, that’s not always something I can say I did. I am a high strung anxiety ridden woman who also carries the curse of the Green Family (my maiden name) temper. So when I saw that stupid dog sitting on something that took me all day to accomplish, lets just say I lost it! I couldn’t even tell you now that phrases that came out of my mouth. But what I do know is that none of them were child appropriate and all I can hope is that the little ears that live in my house didn’t hear them! And my ever patient husband who is too used to this side of me barely looked up from the computer and said “Oh yeah, get down Piper.” I still can’t believe he did that! I scrubbed that dog for a good hour that night, and the smell finally did go away. And Todd rewashed all the laundry! We will never forget that day. Who could really?! And it hasn’t been spoken of since in our home…..until today!